You and your manager
How to respond to unfair feedback
“I’m going to act on this. What would it look like if I got it right next time?”
It takes the feedback seriously without agreeing with it, and turns a vague judgement into an example you can work with.
What is happening
You were told something about your work that felt wrong, or too vague to act on. Arguing with it makes you look defensive, and nodding along means it stays on the record. Asking for an example turns a judgement into something you can fix.
Ask once, then listen. If you still disagree with the example, raise it later, once you have had time to think it through.
If they push back
The feedback may stay general. They might say:
“You just need to be more proactive.”
Ask for one concrete example, so there is something you can change:
“That’s helpful. Could you give me one example from last month where that would have made a difference?”
The part this page cannot settle
There are two other ways to say this, one softer and one firmer. Which one fits depends on how the feedback was given, who else heard it, and how much it matters for your review. Choosing well is most of the work.
The Complete Lines has all three for this moment and for every other one, sorted by what is happening to you. If you have a meeting about it coming up, the first page helps you work out what to say before you walk in, and it is free.